You research and contemplate every detail of your birth plan, but your husband just said “whatever the midwife thinks is best” for the third time… Here’s how to get your husband on board with your birth plan.
You’re lying in bed, 31 weeks pregnant, mentally rehearsing conversations with your husband about why a doula matters to you, why you don’t want his mom in the delivery room, and why “just trust the doctors” isn’t the support you need right now.
You’re preparing for one of the most important experiences of your life, and you deserve a partner who’s genuinely on board – not just someone who nods along to keep the peace.
Why Your Husband’s Birth Plan Support Matters Even More Than You Think
The way your partner shows up during pregnancy sets the pattern for how he’ll show up during parenthood.
If he’s dismissive of your birth preferences now (“you’re overthinking this, babe”), he’s likely to be dismissive of your parenting choices later (“why can’t you let my mom just give him whatever snacks he asks for?”).
Getting your husband genuinely supportive of your birth plan isn’t simply about the birth, it’s about establishing respect for your maternal instincts right now so you can follow through on your instincts with less friction later.
The Real Reason He’s Not Supporting Your Birth Plan
Before we dive into strategies, let’s get real about why your husband might be resistant:
It’s not that he doesn’t care. Most men genuinely want to be supportive partners. The issue is that pregnancy and birth feel abstract to them in a way they don’t to you.
You’re living this pregnancy in your body 24/7. You’re feeling every kick, every ache, every change. For him, pregnancy is something happening to you. It’s a journey he’s only experiencing with between work and sleep and whatever else is on his plate.
This doesn’t excuse dismissive behavior, but understanding that he only connects to whatever you actively bring to his awareness can help you communicate in a way that actually lands.
The “Educational Overload” Mistake Most Women Make
I see this constantly: women think if they just share enough articles, birth stories, and statistics, their partner will suddenly “get it” and become as invested as they are.
This backfires spectacularly.
Information dump feels overwhelming to someone who’s already feeling distant from the process. Instead of bringing him closer, it often makes him shut down or default to “whatever you think is best” or “what does the midwife think?” responses.
The Strategy That Actually Works: Make It About Partnership, Not Preferences
Step 1: Reframe the Conversation
Instead of: “I really want to have a water birth because studies show…”
Try: “We’re such a good team. And, I want to talk about how we can work as a team during labor. I’ve been thinking about what would help me feel most supported, and I’d love to hear your thoughts too.”
Why this works: You’re positioning this as a partnership conversation, not a lecture about your preferences.
Step 2: Address His Fears Directly
Most men are scared about birth, and they’re just not expressing it the same way you are. Their fear often shows up as:
- Deferring to medical authority (“the doctors know best”)
- Minimizing planning (“we’ll figure it out when we get there”)
- Avoiding detailed conversations (“it’s not in our control, anyways babe)
Try this: “I’ve been thinking about hte birth a lot, because it’s obviously such a big deal. I know birth is even less intuitive to you and it’s such a big experience for both of us… What are your biggest fears?”
Step 3: Give Him a Specific Role
Vague requests like “be supportive” don’t work. Men often want to help but don’t know how. And, because they love you so much, they’re pretty worried about screwing it up… So, they need clarity about exactly what you want and validation that you know they can do it.
Instead of: “I just need you to support my choices.”
Try: “You protect me so well in our day-to-day lives and I’m really counting on you to do that even more during labor. I need you to be my advocate. If a doctor suggests something we didn’t plan for, I need you to ask them to explain why and give us a moment to discuss it privately. Will you please do that for me?”
Step 4: Connect Birth Preferences to Shared Values
Think about what you both value as people, partners, and parents, and then connect your birth preferences to those values.
Example: If you both value being prepared and intentional parents, frame your birth plan conversations as “this is our opportunity to be thoughtful and intentional from the very beginning.”
What If He’s Still Not Engaged?
Sometimes the issue isn’t communication – it’s that your partner genuinely doesn’t understand that this is serious to you.
Try this script:
“I need to be direct about something. The way you respond when I bring up birth planning makes me feel like you don’t take my concerns seriously. Whether you realize it or not, this affects how supported I feel going into one of the biggest experiences of my life. I need you to engage with this process with me. Can we figure out how to do that?”
If he continues to be dismissive after a direct conversation like this, you might need additional support, whether that’s couples counseling, a birth doula who can help both of you prepare, or having a trusted friend or family member talk with him.
Your Next Steps
- Pick one conversation to have this week. Don’t try to address everything at once.
- Focus on partnership language rather than trying to convince him your birth plan preferences are “right.”
- Be specific about what support looks like to you during labor.
- Address dismissive responses directly rather than hoping they’ll improve on their own.
Getting your husband genuinely on board with your birth plan goes beyond just having a better birth experience (though you deserve that). It’s establishing patterns of respect and partnership that will serve your family for years and years to come.
You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for exactly what you should be able to expect from your life partner during one of the most important and sacred experiences of your life.
Ready to Baby-Proof Your Relationship Before Your Baby Arrives?
Birth planning together is actually practice for every parenting decision you’ll face together, from whether family can kiss the baby to who is going to get up and change the diaper this time.
If you’re tired of feeling alone or not fully supported, and you want to set your relationship up for success before the real challenges begin, Pre-Mom Era is the only program that helps ambitious women baby-proof their relationships before their baby arrives.
Inside Pre-Mom Era, you’ll master the exact frameworks I use with my private clients to transform relationship dynamics during one of the most meaningful transitions of your entire life.
If you want access to more actionable tips and scripts, you can grab my 5 scripts every soon-to-be mom neeeds.
In this free guide, you’ll get word-for-word scripts for the most common pregnancy boundary situations and the framework for getting genuine support from the people that matter most.
Download your free guide here and start having the conversations that will transform your pregnancy experience.
+ view comments